Wednesday, 14 April 2010

A Love/Hate Relationship

This is a difficult day to write about really.

I went to a funeral today. It was for someone that I didn't really know that well at all, but I felt that I absolutely had to be there.

The lady that had died was the foster mum of 3 children that go to my kids' first school. She died of cancer. I didn't even know she had cancer until about 3 weeks ago, and now she's dead. She has left behind 2 of her own boys in their early 20's and her 3 fostered kids - one of which she'd looked after for 6 years. She had given them all a wonderful, stable, loving home.

She would have been SO PROUD of her grown up boys at the funeral. They greeted everyone who had turned out (and there were many) and one of her lads bravely spoke about his mum in the service.

I'm not sure what will happen to the kids now - I know that one of her grown up boys has already said, without a thought for himself, that he would look after them. How wonderful that a strapping, handsome young lad in his 20's could even consider taking responsibility for 3 young children....could you do it? I couldn't...

I want to hate cancer. I want to wring it by its neck, stamp on it, and grind it into the ground with my heel, but its not going to go away, and it's pointless wasting time and energy hating it. We have to live with it, we have to watch people's lives suffer because of it, but we have to learn from it and become stronger together because of it.

After the service, I hope that everyone went home and gave their loved ones a bigger hug than usual, their kids a bit more time than usual, and picked up the phone to chat to a friend they hadn't spoken to in a while.

I think that's why I can't quite bring myself to really hate cancer like I know I should.


  1. I know you're right, but I'd still rather it wasn't you having it!
    I deserved to have a shouty shirt today, so I need to keep your comments in mind tomorrow! Not sure if I'd have been brave enough to go.
    Jill x

  2. At one point in the service we were asked to stand and give her a huge round of applause in appreciation of everything she had done. I hope she heard it.
    I'm still wearing the shouty shirt every now and then, just to keep everyone on their toes!
    Much love xx

  3. I completely understand Lisa. Like Jill I wish it wasn't you! But it is. And when Chris was ill I could not and still cannot call it ALL BAD. We would never have got married if he had not been ill. Motor Neurone Disease gave me the best year and the worst year both at the same time. Equally true. I will tell you what I hate. That is the fact that so often we need these things to wake us up to how great life is. I am having a lovely day today walking the dog and doing my improvisation workshop and waiting for Andy to get home from work for a big hug. And I am sure that lady heard you. Just as I am sure Chris knows exactly what I am up to! Keep up the blog. It left all at No5 a little bit overwhelmed when I sent them the story about Mary and Joseph! Thanks for that and hello to anyone else who is reading this and especially Jill since I am so glad to see you have the technical skills I never knew you had! Hope all well! Liz xxx

  4. Thanks for all that, Liz - Its good to hear your thoughts, and I think I'm starting to appreciate more about what you and Chris must have gone through. I am SO GLAD that you and Andy are together - he is a lovely guy (you'd approve too, Jill!)
    Not sure I'll be climbing Everest after all this, although emotionally I think I'm half way up already! What a journey! xxxxxxxxxx

  5. You all took the words out of my mouth. The shouty shirt days are too numerous. The lack of appreciation about everything too much. Perhaps that's why the c**p happens - without it we would never know the good stuff even when it's right there in front of us.

    I wonder if anybody ever gave that lady a round of applause while she was alive...