Tuesday, 6 July 2010

Anyone for Cricket?

Bit of a fiasco at the hospital today.

I'm supposed to see a doctor every Tuesday after the radiotherapy, so I asked the very miserable lady on the desk where I had to go. She waved her hand over to a different waiting area. 'Hey hinny,' I wanted to say, 'try and smile a bit, man,' but I didn't, and just sat down. I did as I was told.

One hour later, I was still sitting there. In that time, my mum had painted a massive silk scarf with the nice proggy mat lady. Meanwhile, I was wishing that I'd brought a ball and a set of stumps so that I could practice my bowling down the corridor. It would make an excellent practice area there, and I'm sure if I brought a bat then some of the patients would love to join in. I suggested it to a couple of them, and they had a laugh.

There was a little old lady sitting with us who had been waiting for an hour and a half. She was absolutely fed up. My mum decided to take action and marched up to the desk to see if the miserable lady could give us an idea of how long we'd have to wait. She managed to summon a nurse for help.

The nurse came over and asked for our names.

'Ah,' she said, embarrassed, 'the doctor is on holiday. Weren't you told?'

'Er...no.' I said politely, my tummy rumbling like hell. It was 1.30pm.

She then said something which made me really laugh.

'The machine should have told you that the doctor was on holiday.'

The machine? Who the hell was the machine? Did she mean the grumpy receptionist? Was she really a robot that had malfunctioned and forgotton to smile and give important information out? I glanced across at grumpy pants. She ducked down behind her computer screen.

'Who is the machine?' I asked nicely.

'Well, yunno - there was supposed to be a note on the computer for them to tell you.'

'Who's 'them'?' I asked.

The nice nurse was genuinely sorry for the mistake. She was kind, she was caring. She didn't want to blame anyone...but I followed her eyes...to grumpy pants.

'I see,' I said calmly, and looked at my little friend, the little old lady who had spent her whole day waiting. She was really tired. She had been ready from 7am this morning - waiting for her hospital lift that was 2 hours late. She had been at the hospital for 3 hours and would now have to wait for who knows how long for her lift home....

I looked across at the reception desk.

'I think I know where we'll set the stumps up tomorrow, Patricia....'


  1. I know I shouldn't laugh but this did make me smile! The machine! I had a call from 'the machine' just yesterday...It called me and this automated voice which sounded a bit like Steven Hawkings reminded me of my oncologist appointment and requested I confirm my attendance...Oh for real people that made sure you were okay and wished you 'have a good day'! T x

  2. I probably wouldn't have realised that it was an automated voice message, and would have struck up a conversation with it!
    Hope you're well, Tony.
    Shents x

  3. When I lived in the village I had a message on my answer phone whih said " sorry, but the answer phone is on holiday, this is the refrigerator speaking, leave your message and I'll get back to you ASAP" Uncle George refused to speak,saying to me later " I'm not speaking to a damned refrigerator"

  4. Dad the machine10 July 2010 at 18:25

    When I lived in the village I put this message on my answer phone " Sorry ,but the answer phone is on holiday, this is the refrigerator speaking, please leave your message and I'll get back to you ASAP" Uncle George refused to leave a message saying to me later " I'm not speaking to a refrigerator!"

  5. Sorry you got that twice. In the words of Bobby Thompson, the well known N E comedian, when his wife asked him to open a tin of salmon for the cat " Well, you knaa, I'm nee mechanic".