Thursday, 6 May 2010

Midgies and Minnows

Q - What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
A - Doug

Q - What do you call a man with a sewing needle on his head?
A - Fred

Q - What do you call a girl with a wig on her head who stood outside watching football with 4 million midgies?
A - Rashid

Yes, I am now known as Rashid (pronounced Rash-heed in this part of the world)
I have the spottiest, itchiest head in the world thanks to all the bloody midgies who decided that my wig was a nest last night!

I was watching the most important derby game of the season - not Man united against Man City, not Newcastle v Sunderland, but our village Under 9's Rangers team v the village Under 9's United team! MASSIVE game. Huge build up, with lots of playground taunting - 'We're gonna beat ya' 'No-oh yer no-ot,' 'your team are ru-ubish,' 'No-oh we're no-ot.' etc. - a bit like the days of Kevin Keegan and Alex Ferguson - remember? 'I will loove it if we beat them, loove it...'

Unfortunately, my 9 year old couldn't be there to play for the Rangers side - he was playing cricket - but I thought I might feel better with a bit of fresh air and a bit of a shout on the sidelines, so I took the 6 year old and off we went.

It has to be said that Rangers are considered to be the 'reject' side of the village. The team is made up of all the kids who weren't selected for the United team, not necessarily because they weren't good enough...they just weren't picked.  Everyone grumbled and groaned at the time, but no-one was prepared to do anything about it, until one of the dads reluctantly stepped forward and set up another team to give all the 'rejects' a chance to play. Did he know anything about football? Not one bit, not a sausage - but if it wasn't for him stepping 47,000 miles outside of his comfort zone, all these kids wouldn't be able to play the game they all love so much...

....and so with the scene set, the game began, The Big Fish against the Minnows. 
In just 60 seconds, Rangers took the lead.
I wanted to start chanting 'one nil, o-o-ne nil, one nil, one nil,' (sung to the Amazing Grace tune)
But then United equalised, then scored another. Half time - 2-1 to United.
I spent the half time break scratching and itching, flapping and swearing as the midgies began their assault. I desperately wanted to pull the wig off and have a damned good scratch but I didn't think it was appropriate to do that at such an important game.
With the second half underway, United went 3-1 up, then 'GET IN!' as Rangers got one back to make it 3-2. 'Come o-o-o-o-o-n Rangers!'
But then, despite heroic performances from all the Rangers, it went to 4-2, and as the final whistle went, 5-2 to United.

A brilliant performance, despite the final result, and I think all the boys, including the dad manager, felt very proud. The minnows hadn't exactly eaten the big fish, but they'd given him a bloody big fright!

As for me and the 6 year old, we returned home happy too. I couldn't stand the wig on any longer, so drove home totally bald, much to the delight of the 6 year old who sat there laughing all the way home with a HUGE rip in her school dress after climbing over the fence at the football field. What a pair, what a team!


  1. Didn't you rip your bridesmaid's dress at Mark and Carrie's wedding doing something similar??

  2. Er yes - I think that was me...looking for tin cans on a building site to attach to the car..!