Gifts from Scotland

When people go away on their hols, they usually bring something home to remind them of their stay. This year, I bought 2 nice mugs that were on 'spesh' in the shop, and some shortbread for our neighbours who had looked after our hens and had watered my tomatoes.

The kids spent Nanny and Grandads pocket money on a jigsaw, a bubble wand and a clever little device that was a telescope and a microscope, but they also brought back some other special treats that were completely free of charge.

The 6 year old, for the last couple of days, has been scratching her head in a frenzy-like way - a bit like the last time she had nits.

'You're head will still be full of sand,' I said, 'Gizza look.'

I inspected her head closely, and sure enough there was still half a beach stuck in her head, but I also saw a little creature, and another one, and another one. Bloody nits! Jumping and dancing around in her hair like they were at a party. How the hell has she caught nits when she's been off school for 2 weeks?!

I did the usual mad scratch of my own head, and then remembered that I didn't actually have any hair to infest! Lucky me!

The 9 year old, meanwhile had one big fat nit in his scarecrow hair, but nothing else.

'I think you'll be ok,' I reassured him, but as I looked closely at his face, I noticed a little dot of mud on his eyebrow.

'I thought you'd just had a shower?' I asked, squinting at the dot of mud. He assured me he had scrubbed every last bit of his body. 'Well what's that bit of mud on your eyebrow, then?' I asked, trying to brush it off.

'I couldn't get it off,' he said, flinching, 'it's just a spot.'

'Keep still, then, and I'll scratch it off,' I said, pinning him down.

I got my nail, and scratched of the mud spot thing, then inspected it closely.

It was a bloody tick!

'What's a tick?' he asked, horrified.

'Its an insect that sucks your blood and can give you diseases,' I replied, reassuringly, 'nothing to worry about, but just have a good check all over your body to make sure there's no more.'

After a minute of frantic searching, he couldn't find any more, but inspected the little creepy crawlie tick and half a dozen of his sister's nits closely through his brand new microscope. I think he was wondering if they were from Scotland. How would he know? Well, they'd be tartan of course!